I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
