why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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