I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
