Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
