I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
