headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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