last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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