Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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