your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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