Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
