So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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