i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
