a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
someone owes me an orgasm
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
