Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
