1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
