I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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