hotel room ftw
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
