i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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