why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
