you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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