i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my liver is dry heaving
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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