I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
