You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
