Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
