Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
