And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dicks are not precious.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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