Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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