Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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