dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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