thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
