just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
