Nicole vs. Life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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