Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
