I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
