a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
