this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
