I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yo dont text me then not text me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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