I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
