I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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