dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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