these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
