listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
