Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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