I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
