you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
