Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
