what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
