I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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