I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
