the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
