A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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