i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
