Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
