i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
