he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
