i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
