i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
