It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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