I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
