Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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