If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
