Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think i peed on brittanys purse
People with herpes should wear stickers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
