i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
