did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
