every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
