I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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