We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
