dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still dying that you shit outside
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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