I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
