i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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