you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
