Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
