I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
