My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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