just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
