god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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